At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
