I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
