I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
