Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
