i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
