I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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