Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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