You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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