I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
