A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
