You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
