even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
