i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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