is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
