U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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