..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
