I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
