TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
