He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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