Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
