Can i not drive my cunt home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
