You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
