If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
