My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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