it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
be right there i have to get my cape
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
