The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
