8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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