I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
