Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
