i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this boner is exhausting
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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