have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
worst night to have a conscience
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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