Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
