I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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