Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
