After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
