Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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