You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
