she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is wine microwaveable?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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