I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
