Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Text me some of your sweat
Panties = found
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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