What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
