Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
