There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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