Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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