You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think your dad took our porno
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
