You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
