I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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