you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
whose parrot is this?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
