we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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