Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
