Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
