My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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