I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
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Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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