I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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