Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
