I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
