Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
