me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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