Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
