I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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