My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
