A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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