i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
