i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
