I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Where is the hickey?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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