My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
