1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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