My friends, they love my intelligence
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
