There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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