she smelled like a LAN party
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
