Im at strip club and am horny
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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