Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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